Indecision is to Procrastination as ________ is to Lassitude

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So I really need to get back into writing. I was meaning to do so
over the weekend (by weekend I mean Thursday and Friday, the days I
have off) but instead life got interesting so I've again put it off.

I think I need some introspection. Introspection is when I talk about
what I think instead of what I do, or at least that's what I'm going
to do, once I escape this infernal preamble (that's the completely
useless bit that goes before you start saying what your going to say.)

I've been reading a lot more the last couple weeks. I tend to read
very slowly, but I read for big bits of time so I end up reading books
just a hair faster then the average person. The last book I read was
"On a Pale Horse" by Piers Anthony. It's about death, and it's in a
series about the embodiments of things like death and time and evil.
In true Anthony style he did an excellent job of writing the devil's
attempts to change deaths mind, an excellent metaphor for someone
playing devil's advocate. I used to do that a lot myself, bending
truth and pointing people to the "logical" conclusions of their
actions and beliefs. Some stuff just makes sense, and sometimes you
can say something in a certain way and it just makes sense to the
person you are talking too.

Problem is, sometimes I think a lot of my beliefs and opinions are
cleverly stacked on other things I've convinced myself of and kinda
balancing on each other. If that's the case it could be that someday
I'll come across something that doesn't fit into my universe and
everything will collapse. However I've convinced myself that this
won't happen because I am an open minded person and I would simply
plug the new information into my universe and everything would adjust
itself naturally. If this is the case than it would logically follow
that if I didn't know some key piece of information that would
rearrange my whole world and make me abandon some key component of my
outlook on life. Too bad this isn't what I was trying to talk about,
I'm not sure if that makes me a bad writer or not. What makes me a
bad writer, I think, is that I don't write enough. Usually I blame
motivation, but I think it's a patterning thing. I'm not sure what to
call it but sometimes I do feel motivated, and if I give my self
orders and set up a schedule I will follow it until my schedule is
interrupted. Sometimes I interrupt it myself and then it can't really
be lack of motivation, it's a change in priorities, however brief that
breaches my schedule, and then I don't have that spark of motivation
to get myself on track. I guess the best plan is to use the next
burst of motivation to get myself on schedule, but I usually try to
use that motivation to do something silly like replace my keyboards
LED with a blue one (as it turns out, it didn't work, and I don't even
know if the LED I was trying to use was blue or not, the box said
"clear" when I looked at it again and it wasn't making any light that
I could see). As it turns out that's not what I was trying to talk
about either, though it may be useful. I'm off track again but it
always seems to be useful to try to work out why I'm doing things,
like the pastors sermon last week that sometimes the things we do
don't match our stated beliefs and that's why it's a good idea to
express them explicitly. Anyway I'm trying to talk about death. I
didn't realize I was afraid of death, actually to be more specific I
don't like it when people die. I also don't like to see people suffer
and loose their faculties and go crazy in old age but my solution
would have been to make people not suffer and not loose their ability
to think in the first place. Also I don't want the world to fill up
with people who live forever, but it's heaven and hell being filled up
with people who live forever as it stands now so it doesn't really
make sense for people to get bored on earth then to got bored in
heaven, and I wonder if you could ever get bored in heaven. Probably
not. In any case I miss people when they are dead, and I fear losing
people I care about and not seeing them again... I'm planning on being
happy in heaven no matter what so the thought of seeing people I miss
in heaven is really a mute point... I miss them now.